what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
