Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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