I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
