i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
