This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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