I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
