Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
