whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize