my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
