Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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