u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
