the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
