you told grandpa to call you daddy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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