God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
