lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
