I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
