Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
