I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
