So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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