Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize