Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize