thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
