In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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