Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
they're like a gay fantastic four
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
