I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
