Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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