Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
