found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
