I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
