whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
