We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You were trust falling into bushes
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize