I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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