I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
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