Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
