Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
