no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
