I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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