would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
