i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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