Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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