dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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