You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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