maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize