oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
