and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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