at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize