I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
