if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
