I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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