I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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