Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
