I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
