hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
