this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
