Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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