just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
