Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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