I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
organizing the empties. That sober.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
