the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
