I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He shit in the fireplace
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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