i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
