ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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