WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
