cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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