i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
