I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
