honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
