Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
