i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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