so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
