her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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