This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
