please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
