If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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